Musical Rejects

Do you know what bugs me? Constantly? People. Dumb questions. Facebook. Gas. Life.

But more specifically it would be my absurd lack of musical talent. I mean, it must be IMPOSSIBLE to be as not talented as I am. I've played the violin for 8 years. I'm okay. I'll post a video one day. It's quite pathetic.

I LOVE to sing. For my music class Talent Show in 3rd grade I sang "Sweet Chariot". Nobody clapped. Or maybe I imagined that no one clapped. But they didn't like it very much, I can tell you that. I was devastated and from that day on I was never confident in my singing ability. Or, I was not comfortable with the fact that I had no ability.

Then I switched schools, was forced into a real chorus and thought I could sing. Although I had horrible stage fright. I couldn't even sing the Star Spangled Banner for my placement test. It would've helped if I knew the words. I thought that bit of "training" made me hot stuff so I auditioned for the school musical in middle school.

Sixth grade, Fiddler on the Roof. The directors didn't want anyone shooting themselves over not getting casted so they cast EVERYONE. Legit, we must've had at least 50 cast members. I was one of the five, illegitimate black Jewish kids that you never heard about. IT'S IN THE SCRIPT. TRUST. I was so happy to be grapevining across the stage. Again, I thought I was hot shit until someone cried my name during "Sabbath Prayer". I had no idea what they were whining about but I assumed it was about my singing so I started whispering.

It got worse from there. Besides ensemble, I got cast as a salesman for Music Man. They don't even sing- they just speak in time. Then in Annie, along with ensemble, I got a part that wasn't even IN the play. It was the intermission act. I know, you're thinking, "what the bloody fuck? Quit already!" Well my audience, my curtain closed after that. I quit.

Every so often I whine and cry about it. I shouldn't have quit! Oh cry, oh whine, oh piss. But then my dad brings me back to Earth with a nice "Why? You sucked." And I realize my place in the world. Or I pretend to realize because we all know I'm a space cadet/secret agent. But you know, today I take a stand and say MOTHERFUCKIN CHEERS to anyone who's ever sang in the mirror, at a karaoke bar, on the bed, in the shower, the car or got rejected from American Idol. Motherfuckin cheers and sing on!