Where's My Love?

You know what? I'm jealous. Jealous of this:



I've never had a first love. And you know, as much as I'm anti-boy and anti-love and emotion, I just want to be loved. It doesn't have to be in love- God forbid. That could completely disasterous. But sometimes I do imagine what it would be like to totally put my guard down and allow myself to fall for someone. I'm not sure I could do it.

Thinking back, and I'm always in denial about this, but when I was a freshman in high school I had this huge crush on this one kid.... He was a junior. And you know, I wasn't boy-crazy, I NEVER had crushes but I liked this kid a lot. He was hilarious, and sweet, and naive, and tall! Ha. He was so tall, and he had this big nose... my friend used to call him Gonzo. But he had this charm to him. I'd say we were best friends. We were always telling each other about cute people we liked when, I know we both liked each other. Or maybe I'm wrong...

Anyways, I moved across the country. I wanted him to come visit me for my birthday but of course my parents said no. They thought I was gonna start making some babies. They obviously didn't know what a-sexual meant (no, I wouldn't even sleep with my love). I remember we had this one conversation online, it had to be like 3AM and we were chatting away. We decided that we were going to live together and go to England. Went I went to CT we talked on the phone for a while. Actually, it was kind of akward. My cousin told him I liked him and I, naturally, denied it. I visited him at work. More awkward: nothing to say.

Now, he has a girlfriend. But, even if he didn't... I don't think I'd try to make anything happen. It'd be weird. All of this time... and besides, he's such a chick magnet. Too many of my friends have fallen for him. I wouldn't feel right.

So, you know, maybe I'll continue the quest for my first love. Or maybe I'll quit while I'm ahead.

Edit- oh shit, his myspace says he doesn't want kids. What it this? It would never work. Haha.