Stupid Me

I met a cute guy the other day. I ended up giving him my sister's cell phone number because the paper he handed to me had her name on it. But then he asked if I had a cell and I just said something stupid like, "Yeah, but I never really answer it or have it with me... mumble, mumble..." ARG. I am so STUPID.

And then we chatted for a good while. 15-20 minutes? He's in a band. And truly the hottest guy I have ever met. I added his band on MySpace and his own page too. I left him a comment. And waited. He's been online twice today but he hasn't said anything back. I feel really stupid. I mean, he probably doesn't even like me. He's 20, almost 21 and I'm 18, with no car, an hour away from his house.... Ugh.

Cue the sad music: I just thought that for once I could be normal and have friends, possibly a boyfriend? And actually not be a-sexual towards him? It'd be nice to have all of that for even 5 minutes. Ugh. Socially defunked.

80's Babies

Anyone born in the 80s rocks. Remember Nickelodeon used to be the shit? It WAS. Salute Your Shorts, Rocko's Modern Life, Doug- TV was at it's peak. Nickelodeon is so weak now. Disney Channel is beating it. But, if you have some time to kill, chillax and watch these INSANELY AWESOME Nick shows intros. And then go find some DVDs for me to buy.

That Narnia chick is getting beat with a stick

So, at Oxford, in England, they're doing the Spring Awakening play. Anna Popplewell from the Narnia movies is in it playing Wendla. They posted a trailer today.

IT IS SO CAMPY IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY.

Or maybe it's just me? Maybe I am so uncultured that it is not campy and is actually a work of art? I don't know. I laughed. A lot.

Finding Alaska

It was incredible to close "Looking for Alaska" and see sunlight creeping in through the teeny space between the living room blinds. It is 5:42 AM. A bit over a half hour ago, I finished the book. I stayed up all night to do so.

I was wrong.

Although, in an attempt to save face, not entirely wrong. I was sure we were counting down to the point where two characters hook up and fall madly in love, no matter how short a period that love may last. I was partially right. But that part sort of happened before the countdown ended? Does that make sense? We were actually counting down to something entirely non-expected.

I'm not sure I want to ruin it for you. But I am happy to say I solved part of the mystery before the characters did. I am not a complete idiot, apparently.

The book brought me back to my early teens. Where I was so invincible and nothing could be wrong in the world. Even if it actually was wrong. And staying up until the crack of dawn only solidifies that feeling. God. What happened to those days? Now, all I want to do is get in bed with my best friends and talk about this book. And endless nothings. It truly is amazing to feel like this again. And I can't even explain to you what "this" is. "This" is wonderful, and joyous, like when you're opening Christmas gifts, maybe. I suddenly feel in the moment. There is nothing ahead of me and nothing behind me. Just this... "this" that is around me, consuming me and swallowing me and wrapping me in a wonderful, warm embrace. Perhaps the "this" will get me through 24 hours of no sleep. Or perhaps I should go to bed now....

Looking for Alaska

Confession: I am a nerdfighter. And it is not really a confession because confessions are things you're slightly ashamed/embarrased/otherwise of, right? Well, I AM A NERDFIGHTER!!!!!!!!!!!! That was just a statement- not a confession. Some may ask, what is a nerdfighter? Urbandictionary.com defines "nerdfighter" as:

"Nerds who fight, usually against popular people. This term originated from the videoblog Brotherhood 2.0. John Green, one of the two participants in the videoblog, noticed a game called Nerd Fighters at an airport. Eventually, the viewers of the videoblog began being dubbed nerdfighters."

Of course, I don't necessarily agree with such definition but it was the only good one. We don't fight: we decrease world suck by doing things like recycling and donating money, and making the nerdfighters hand-symbol-sign-thing. We also eat peeps, listen to wizard rock and buy books by John Green. So, in nerdfighter fashion I went to the bookstore today and bought "Looking for Alaska" by John Green.

I was rather discouraged by the bookstore (Borders). I only had $35. I wanted a book (either Darkly Dreaming Dexter, the second Captain Alatriste book or Seth Rudesky's Broadway Nights And on a side note, this Borders seems to lack gay fiction that is not erotica) but you know, the times of cheap bookstores (like Walden Books) are now past us so I had to dish out $15 for a book. Which doesn't seem like much, except I wanted to buy 3 milkshakes and also, I don't get paid for another 9 days. So the choice was tough. Coldstone Creamery milkshakes are REALLY GOOD you guys. But then I remembered John Green.

Oh, what a savior John Green is. I searched for any book by him: I landed in the Young Adult section. Of course. I am really slow, I forgot he writes YA fiction. Incidentally, I always feel rather awkward looking in the YA section. I am 18 and, while I love YA books, English teachers frown upon it. And it also looks really geeky when you're reading something that is almost clearly a Teen book. But anyways, They only had one book: Looking for Alaska. I was hoping for An Abundance of Katherines but I'll take what I can get. Besides, it was only $7.99. That is my kind of price. So I bought it.

Not that I had any doubt that it was going to be good- I just wasn't sure it was the kind of book I wanted to be reading. I've always been a little lax in my reading taste so I want to up my standards and look more educated. But Looking for Alaska is rather fascinating. The excerpt in the beginning of the book (is there a name for that thing?) kind of caught my attention with this line:

"I hope you didn't bring the Asian kid along thinking he's a computer genius. Because I am not."

That was the single greatest line I have ever heard. That's when I decided that I was totes getting this book. In short, Miles (aka Pudge) goes to boarding school in search of his "Great Perhaps". Is it bad that I'm not really sure what he means by that? In my eye, a great perhaps could be... a purpose? This better not be a commonly-used phrase or I am going to be pissed and feel really stupid. And I could go into greater detail or you could just Wikipedia that shit. So, the book is split into two parts: Before and After. And each section within each part is headed with a countdown (or countup). Example, it begins with "one hundred thirty-six days before" and it counts down. What the heck is it counting down to?! It's so intriguing. Right now I am at "one hundred days before". I'm slightly nervous. What's going to happen? Is it what I think? I think it's... well, I don't want to say in case I'm wrong. I'll tell you if I'm right, when I find out.

In conclusion, go buy John Green's Looking for Alaska so we can all find out what happens!!!

Swing Life Away Until GG Comes Back

Oh, kids, there are bootlegs galor rolling around Youtube. Bootlegs of Spring Awakening last night. Curtain call, Totally Fucked, Song of Purple Summer. It's all there. And you know, there are some really freaking hardcore fans out there. I'm not sure I would EVER sleep outside a theatre just for tickets. However, if they said I was getting FREE tickets, a corndog and a bag of cotton candy- maybe I'd do it. They would also have to provide a Spring Awakening blanket and slippers. Deal?

I also got my Gossip Girl fix tonight. I was so happy that that bitch Georgina got put away. GRRR. But what the FUCK was up with all the couple mixing? HELLO. And am I completely naive to have thought that Chuck was actually a changed man? Did you see that look in his eyes when his father was telling him he was "growing up". Chuck looked like motherfucking Peter Pan. He looked like he wanted to cry. COME ON CHUCK. GROW UP. But I'm the one whining over a TV show, right? Typical. Well, at least things are sort of even. Everyone is left with someone. Except for J.... too bad. She's such a doll.

What else could I rant and/or rave about? Tomorrow I am going to Coldstone for a milkshake. I think. There's also this $5 vest I want to pick up. It better fit, and it better still be there. I can't drive so I think I'll probably walk. Walking is so amazing, literally. Albeit I'm always on the edge of death while walking down the highway, it still is just so amazing to be out in the open instead of cramped in a car. And, add my mp3 player into the mix and it's something out of a movie. Is it sad that I pretend like I'm on a reality show when a really good song comes on? You would totes do it to: "Swing Life Away" is an awesome nastoligic walking song.

A new meaning to "Wizard Rock"

Okay, so somebody just showed me this! I'm a Harry Potter geek who is extremely into music so, this was just heaven. Draco Malfoy (otherwise known as Tom Felton) apparently sings and plays guitar?!



I think I just peed a little. haha. And apparently you can buy his songs on iTunes. You guys, this is exciting! I mean, really. This cute little blonde boy sings! This is something I didn't see coming. Now we only have to put Daniel Radlcliffe in Wicked and my mind would be blown.

Tony Nominations, Social Woes.

First, of course I have to talk about TONY NOMINATIONS!!!!!!!!! Maybe no one's feeling Disney on Bway anymore? I really thought Little Mermaid would get a teensy bit more nods then they did. In the Heights got 13 nominations. That's really exciting. They were on Good Morning America today, I was screaming at the tv- I am so excited for them. I say they win Best Musical and Lin should win Best Lead Actor. Based on critic's reactions, ITH doesn't have much competition for Best Musical. I've heard not-so-good things about Cry Baby. Xanadu seems like it's "eh" (although I'm a little surprised Cheyenne Jackson didn't get a nod?) and Passing Strange is iffy. I've heard great things about it but then I've heard not so great. And, I know I need to give it moer than once chance but I wasn't really fond of the music I heard. I'll give it one more chance though.

We'll see though, won't we? The Tony's are June 15, 8PM, CBS. Be there. There's also a pre-Tonys show on the 7th. Be there too!

In other news, my sister's new, older boyfriend only reminds me how socially awkward I am and how I'll never have a relationship- not that I want one. It's just a bit disheartening to have one more thing that makes me different from everyone else. Why do I have to be so weird? Can't I just fit in? But pretending is never good either so I'll just be odd.....

Write Me a Tale about Love, Guns and Blue Nail Polish

So today I definitely watched VH1's "Sex: The Revolution". Or I think that's what it was called? I always feel horrible for putting things in quotations when I don't know if they're right. Whatever. It was called that. I'm sure.

Anyways. It about the sexual revolution, duh. It talked about all the crazies who banned sodomy and birth control and how Playboy got started and Berkely and their use of the F-word. OH MY GOD. I mean, this seemed, to me, to be the greatest time in history. Everyone was all "free love" and "fuck you" and the whole gay rights movement was slowly beginning to come together. Now, we know how I'm not a sexual person but I am an activist-type-person, so I definitely would have thrived in that atmosphere. I think. God. Could you imagine? Ginsberg and Kerouac and Hugh Heffner. Okay, not so much Heff but... Gloria Steinem! And the liberation of human sexuality... I really wish I could have witnessed all of this. It seemed like such an amazing period.

I was born in 1989. I was born just in time to "see" AZT made. Of course, I only realized this a year ago so I guess it doesn't count. "Kids, while I was being born via C-Section, AZT was being approved by the FDA." Interesting. Let's see... there's 9/11 but that's depresso. Then there's the war. I remember when that whole shit first went down. I was doing The Music Man. Or Annie. One of those two. Of course, there's also the fact that we could have a female or black president...

But what I really want is some kind of huge movement. Bring the hippies back or something. I want to give flowers to soldiers and get drunk off love. I also want to drive around (or walk, to save the environment) and do nothing. Just enjoy life. I want an amazing life story.

I'll Be Lying on Some Trash Heap. Kthanxbai.

Today, at work, I think I would've broke down and cried in the back room. Except that the manager I was working with was the hot one and I am so ugly when I cry. Hell, I'm ugly when I don't cry. But that's another thing all together. But God, what I wouldn't give to cry on his shoulder or pass out in his arms..... But again, another thing all together. (I'm hoping I get sick one day though.)

A combination of things led me to the one of my many emo moments. My mother and sister ditched me on Mother's Day. I had to work so they went to church. And then, I check my phone on my break and there's a text telling me to get my aunt to pick me up from work. Yes, unfortunately I am an 18 year old without a car (and still living at home- I'm really bitter about that). So then, I call and everyone is out to dinner an hour+ away. Ugh. I was honestly really hurt- which kind of makes no sense to me but whatever. I wanted to cry. The aforementioned hot manager was going to let me leave early to go meet them (even when there were 2 hours until closing and we were the only people working- he's such a sweetheart). But they weren't anywhere near me so there was no point.

It was a really slow day so he still let me go about a half hour later. Then he asked if I had a ride and I felt really stupid saying no. I told him I'd take a cab. Of course, I only had $11, which was supposed to go to my mum for her present so there was no way I could take a cab. I went in the back to get my stuff and I legit wanted to curl up in the computer chair and cry. But that's tacky and my tear-face is hideous so I can't let Hot Guy see me like that. And really, what was I crying about? So I sucked it up, wiped my tears on my hoodie and booked it.

The walk home wasn't bad. Actually, I wasn't even concerned about it. Well, actually, I was a little scared of getting hit by a car. It's pretty much a highway I was walking down. But I survived. And it only took 30 minutes. I could do it more often. I was just really sad that I was missing the Mother's Day stuff. I hate being excluded. Especially when I was going to make dinner for Mum and everything. But oh well. I ended up making microwaving some food and eating it with my cat.

Oh, and before that, just to get all the emo out of me, I listened to Don't Do Sadness/Blue Wind from Spring Awakening and recited the monologues that go with them. I was sobbing my eyes out.

Pathetic much? Eh. That's just me.

Addicted to Gossip Girl

I am not really one for girly tv shows. But, Gossip Girl has managed to suck me into their madness. I started watching because the beautiful Jesse Swenson, a swing for Broadway's Spring Awakening, was guest starring. You can not just watch one episode. I mean, that show is CRAZY. Those are a bunch of underage, backstabbing, psycho bitches right there. Secretly, I want to be part of that. God. Being all fancy and mean and getting whatever you want. Seriously? There is something strangely attractive about such a life....

Back to Jesse though. He was dating Taylor Momsen, whatever the fuck her character's name is- I don't know. I've only seen 3 episodes. Jenny? Well, she's a poor Brooklyn girl- not really sure how the fuck she's going to this private school in NY? But she is and by dating Jesse's character (Ashfor... or something) she's moving up the social ladder. Wonderful, right? Of course not. Things don't work like that. Jesse is completely gay. He was making out with this little blonde boy. Unfortunately for me, they didn't show it. I was severely disappointed. (Chris Crocker and Jeffree Star made up for it though: http://youtube.com/watch?v=3HHMnJekR-o)

So, now Taylor Momsen is completely on the fritz with her little society friends. *sigh* Don't you just feel for her? Didn't think so.

I figured I would watch a couple episodes of Gossip Girl and then throw the towel in but my Oh. My. God. Michelle Tratchenburg, who was the motherfucking shit when I was a kid, is playing this blackmailing piece of work named Georgina. Oh, she makes the show so sweet. Not only did she out the aformentioned blonde boy to his family, she's fucking black mailing his sister, Serena. She drugged her and made her miss the SATs and now she's got some weird sex tape of Serena. It is so mind blowing. And then, throw a bomb at me, at the end of tonight's episode, Serena says she killed someone. SAY WHAT?! Suddenly Georgina is slightly explained and man, I can't WAIT until next week. I'm pretty confident she killed the guy in the sex tape. But why? And what part did Georgina take in this?

I'm about to piss my pants in excitement.