I'll Be Lying on Some Trash Heap. Kthanxbai.

Today, at work, I think I would've broke down and cried in the back room. Except that the manager I was working with was the hot one and I am so ugly when I cry. Hell, I'm ugly when I don't cry. But that's another thing all together. But God, what I wouldn't give to cry on his shoulder or pass out in his arms..... But again, another thing all together. (I'm hoping I get sick one day though.)

A combination of things led me to the one of my many emo moments. My mother and sister ditched me on Mother's Day. I had to work so they went to church. And then, I check my phone on my break and there's a text telling me to get my aunt to pick me up from work. Yes, unfortunately I am an 18 year old without a car (and still living at home- I'm really bitter about that). So then, I call and everyone is out to dinner an hour+ away. Ugh. I was honestly really hurt- which kind of makes no sense to me but whatever. I wanted to cry. The aforementioned hot manager was going to let me leave early to go meet them (even when there were 2 hours until closing and we were the only people working- he's such a sweetheart). But they weren't anywhere near me so there was no point.

It was a really slow day so he still let me go about a half hour later. Then he asked if I had a ride and I felt really stupid saying no. I told him I'd take a cab. Of course, I only had $11, which was supposed to go to my mum for her present so there was no way I could take a cab. I went in the back to get my stuff and I legit wanted to curl up in the computer chair and cry. But that's tacky and my tear-face is hideous so I can't let Hot Guy see me like that. And really, what was I crying about? So I sucked it up, wiped my tears on my hoodie and booked it.

The walk home wasn't bad. Actually, I wasn't even concerned about it. Well, actually, I was a little scared of getting hit by a car. It's pretty much a highway I was walking down. But I survived. And it only took 30 minutes. I could do it more often. I was just really sad that I was missing the Mother's Day stuff. I hate being excluded. Especially when I was going to make dinner for Mum and everything. But oh well. I ended up making microwaving some food and eating it with my cat.

Oh, and before that, just to get all the emo out of me, I listened to Don't Do Sadness/Blue Wind from Spring Awakening and recited the monologues that go with them. I was sobbing my eyes out.

Pathetic much? Eh. That's just me.