Daddy's Girl

I complain too much. So today I told my dad that I need poor friends because all my friends are rich (too true) and they can do anything they want but I can't afford it and they don't UNDERSTAND it. My dad asked me what they do that I can't afford and I said, "I dunno... go to concerts and stuff..." and he said he'd pay for me to go to any concert I wanted.

Now, it's not really about going to concerts because God knows I'm content with my mp3 player and watching television. I actually prefer that over being smushed in a crowded auditorium while going deaf. But I do wonder if Broadway shows count as concerts? Probably not. Any concert I want to go to, I could get in a lot cheaper than doing the whole Broadway thing.

And, in the end, I don't want to be those people who get their parents to pay for everything. I hate those people. I want to work hard and earn my own money and get the things I want. I'm not fucking 12 years old, you know? So, in the mean time, I really am happy to be where I am at.

One Singular Sensation...

Rent has what I'll call a "Goodbye Blog". A bunch of people who have been involved with Rent over the years get to post their own stories or whatever about Rent. This one was posted by Mark Richard Ford a couple days ago. (If you didn't realize it, click on "this one".) It is so amazing how a Broadway show can have such an impact on people. A lot of shows have impacted me. Rent was the first one that changed my life and really helped me come to terms with a lot of baggage. The next one was Legally Blonde, sort of. I'm a pretty good student. I was the highest ranking African-American student in my graduating class. I got straight As. Yet everyone thought I was stupid and I wasn't going to amount to anything (I'm proving them right, but that's a different story). I basically broke down whenever "Legally Blonde" came up on my mp3 shuffle. And then I threw my own parade everytime "Legally Blonde Remix" came on. Because I was going to prove them wrong, no matter what. And now In the Heights makes me proud to be who I am. After so many years of hiding my heritage and being embarrassed of my race and where I come from, I'm finally like, "Fuck You! I'm reppin my people!" I can;t believe I spent so much time trying to fit in and mourning myself when I could be me this whole time!

So, I'm not really sure where I was going with this entry. My whole blog is pretty redundant... Sorry. I guess, it just really amazes me how much a show can change a person's life.

Faking to Get By.

I am so fucking FAKE. I'm always spewing off all the philosophies. Trying to convince myself and people that I only focus on the now and things will always work out and everything is fine. It's not, people. I probably should focus on tomorrow because things might not work out. Like, I might not have any fucking breakfast tomorrow. Or lunch. Or dinner. Actually, that's an exaggeration. But, you know, I'm really poor. I make slightly above minimum wage and my mom makes slightly above what I make. With bills and rent, we really do not have enough money for other things, like food. Well, our foodstamps just happen to be cancelled. They're being reinstated in about 2 weeks but you realize that's a pretty long wait. I'll use the last of my saved money to buy us some food. But, just thinking about it makes me sick. We're so broke that we can't afford food? I can't even buy my father a Father's Day present.

I said, "Well, what should I get him? I only have $40." And my mom sat up said, "Don't buy him anything. I only have a little bit of extra money and we need food."

As much as I hate having the Gov't pick up my food tab, I'm very grateful. This is the first time I've realized that we actually can't afford food. And it makes me want to cry. God. Now I see why people sell drugs and prostitute themselves. Maybe I'm a drama queen but I am so willing to do the same just to get by.

And the winner is...

To quote Sloth: "HEY YOU GUYS!"

The Tonys were tonight. So, The Lion King performed first. I have always loved the Lion King so I was really excited to see their performance. Still completely mind-blowing. Whoopi was an excellent host. I laughed at her little racial jokes, just saying. As a black person, I have to crack up. You laughed too. She was a great host and I'm glad they picked her. Some hosts are... boring and suck. A lot. Not her.

All I was focused on tonight was In the Heights. I screamed when they won the two in the First Awards. And then I screamed some more when Lin won best original score. He deserved it! I was on the verge of tears, especially after he wipped out the Puerto Rican flag. Oh my God. I love him so much. Lol at him believing in Chris Jackson. Oh Chris, the world spins because of you. When Lin didn't win Best Lead Actor, I was miffed, but I understood. I still yelled at the television though. It's my duty.

Then Daniel Radcliffe came on. I screamed because he is a doll. And I like Harry Potter. I hate Richard Griffiths. Especially since he yelled at a fan at stagedoor outside of Equus in London. I was scarred for life. If that happened to me, I'd pee myself. He is quite a large man, is he not?

Rent performed- I had been waiting for that all night. I was so excited when the current cast started La Vie Boheme. And then Anthony walked on and it reminded me of like a ride at Disney World or a documentary lol! And then the original cast came out and started talking about Jonathan Larson and singing Seasons of Love and I started to cry. Rent is a show that has touched me and changed me for the better. I was miffed that they didn't get a Standing O. Except, I'm told that Lin stood up so mad props to him. That's why he's my favorite. Also, did Whoopi say "Antony" instead of Anthony? Maybe that's just me.

So, besides Patti LuPone, (who I'm in a Love/Hate relationship with), In the Heights winning Best Musical was the best thing of the night. I do wish they had a little more time to give a speech and everything, you know? But I almost cried again. Especially when they lifted Lin into the air. God. Everyone I know is just like, "ITH won, ITH won! They WON!" It is a very joyous time. I'm still going to be celebrating tomorrow. I wish I had an ITH shirt so I could show my pride. I'll come up with something.

Heat Wave!

Oh lord. It is ridiculously hot. So I just keep playing In the Heights. You don't understand. I don't have any A/C and I just bought a fan yesterday. Heat waves... blah. I'm walking around in a bikini top. And by walking, I mean hobbling. Even though I'm just being drama queeny about it. I'm pretty sure I've got some form of shin splints going on. And just thinking about it makes me cringe. I have a low tolerance for imagining pain. Ha! You know what I mean?

I could, quite possibly be falling for a kid. I've actually known him for almost a year. (I can't believe a year went by so fast! This time last year I was staying at my cousin's cramped house, trying to get an apartment and a school to go to.) Anyways. He's younger than me. But he is hysterical and adorable. He likes In the Heights! I can imagine myself being with him I guess. We all know I'm socially defunked so it truly is a treasure when I find someone I'm comfortable around. But whatever. I'm not even going to pursue anything.

We Are Powerless

I've still got in the Heights on repeat. And every time I go through the cd I think a little bit more about my life. Not to whine or anything, I'm happy with what I have. But I used to think I had so much more. I lived in the rich town with all the rich white people. I used to think I was the shit. I wasn't a spoiled brat- it's not like I got everything but money was never an issue to me. I mean, I never bought brand names- I didn't even dress well. But I never thought I was *poor*. My friends used to say, "Oh, my family's poor! We can't even afford to turn the A/C on!" But she's got a car now and she's in college and I'm pretty sure she gets to keep all of the hefty paycheck that she gets each week.

Me? Well, my mom has a house that no one is buying and she can't afford to keep paying the mortgage. It's just sitting there, bare. We're living in an apartment and are just scraping by. We actually got evicted out of our old apartment just after Christmas because we couldn't afford the rent. My sister and I are both in college but we're probably not going next year because we can't afford it. On a good day, I'll make $180 in two weeks but lately it's been less than $90. That's only $180 in a month. Most of it has to go to bills. I have over a $100 stashed in my closet- I'm planning on going to New York City but I always have to take money out and I can never afford to put anymore back in. It's slowly diminishing and I know I'll never see NYC. My sister doesn't have a job yet so... it's just me and my mom. I'm thinking about getting two jobs but I might need three.

And sometimes, I feel bad. I really want to be selfish- and sometimes I am. I want to keep my whole paycheck, just like I know some kids get to do. I want to save it and go to New York City and buy new clothes and new shoes, maybe fix my hair, go out, have fun. But I can't. I really can't and I'm so jealous of everyone who can.

But, I am very grateful for what I have. There are people who are worse off than me. I guess this is just a shock. Like I said, I thought I had it all. And now I worry at night that one day we're going to wake up and there's going to be no more money in the bank. Or that we won't be able to make this month's rent. Or that I'm going to have to sell my violin for cash. I think it worries my mom too. She was in the hospital a little while ago because she said she was going to kill herself. I wonder if it's because of this.

So Much Better Than Before!

So I watched MTV's The Search for Elle Woods tonight. First, let me just say I wanted to slap Haylie Duff in the face. I'm not even sure why- she's just annoying. And she looks weird. Sorry. And her voice is annoying. MTV is always picking annoying people (ie- The Hills girls) to host the Legally Blonde things. Just because the show is about a blonde, doesn't mean there needs to be blonde bimbos hosting. But, for the record, Haylie isn't a bimbo. She just pisses me off.

I was a bit upset that they didn't show the actual casting call. Of course, MTV clearly doesn't think this show is going to do well. I believe there are only 8 episodes, which come on at 10 pm on a Monday night. RIDICULOUS. I basically had a heart attack when they showed SETH RUDETSKY. And then I had to quote "The Battery's Down" when Bernie Telsey was one of the judges. And, also, I really love the gay guy from Legally Blonde. Which one? The one was a judge. And, in the show, during Bend and Snap he says "works everytime!" Yup. Pretty much that line is classic.

Well, the girls! What can I say about them? I didn't know half of their names and they were cocky as shit- although, you kind of need to be cocky I guess. Let's just make a list of the people I remember:

Rhiannon- I like her name. She's just so-so for me though.
Cassie S. - She's a geek lmao She looks like she could be kind of psycho. And there are two Cassies so I just called her "Mimi Pants". She had on these teal leggings or whatever they were. For some reason I wrote down that she had good abs (I took notes haha!) but I may be thinking of someone else. She was a pretty good singer though.
Bailey - Legwarmers. Enough said. Oh, and she was cute too. I don't remember how she sang though.
Lauren - She's only 18 so I was rooting for her. But her face is kind of... weird? She's very pretty but I think there's something with her forehead. Or her hair. I was too distracted to listen to her sing.
Emma - She's sort of old looking. And she definitely did not work wonders with "So Much Better". I feel like I should be witty: um... she was "So Much Blander?" I tried.
Celina - She can sing, no doubt. But she looks like she's really tall and she's got a rockstar thing going on rather than Pink and Fuzzy Elle Woods thing. I'd like to see her some more though. (On stage, possibly in my bed...)

There are four other girls left but I don't even remember seeing their audition so I can't really judge them- although, it was more like criticizing their looks, am I right?

I agree with the judges on the girls who got cut. Mary (was that her name?) was too weak. Chloe was cute but she said the word "better" really weird and she kind of failed. Rachel was really dead when she performed. And for Libby, I just wrote "dumb". I'm not really sure what I meant by that. But I think this is the girl who said she was a natural blonde.

Anyways, I look forward to more Elle Woods drama.

No me diga!

Oh. My. God.

I just got the In the Heights OBCR. I haven't even seen the show yet but it's already blown me away. I've watched basically every television performance they've done. I've listened to the songs of their MySpace for hours on end. I screamed when I heard the Tony nominations. I am in love with this show.

But back to the cd. It is so amazing. I got it last night and I was trying to listen to it but I fell asleep after "In the Heights". The first song, haha! I was so tired. So, I've been dancing to the cd all day. It is FABULOUS. If you don't have it, go get it! It is so incredible. And I find myself relating to so much of the story, it's ridiculous. I had to hold back some tears. I'm a big girl. Ha!

The cast performed on The View on Thursday. They were the SHIT. Whoopi and Sherri kept saying how incredible the show was and how cute Lin-Manuel Miranda was. I kept yelling at the TV in agreement. God, I love In the Heights. It's not like I've followed the show from Off-Broadway but I'm really proud of the show. I remember being excited even before I knew what the hell the show was though. Ha! Lin had his little YouTube videos up... the anticipation was killing me. I kept telling people, "The Heights is starting previews tonight." I was such a dork.

It truly is something new and inspiring. It's always amazing to see real stories on Broadway, do you know what I mean? Stories that people put their sweat and blood into. And stories that mean a lot to people. So, you go In the Heights! And bring home lots of Tonys- you deserve it!