Faking to Get By.

I am so fucking FAKE. I'm always spewing off all the philosophies. Trying to convince myself and people that I only focus on the now and things will always work out and everything is fine. It's not, people. I probably should focus on tomorrow because things might not work out. Like, I might not have any fucking breakfast tomorrow. Or lunch. Or dinner. Actually, that's an exaggeration. But, you know, I'm really poor. I make slightly above minimum wage and my mom makes slightly above what I make. With bills and rent, we really do not have enough money for other things, like food. Well, our foodstamps just happen to be cancelled. They're being reinstated in about 2 weeks but you realize that's a pretty long wait. I'll use the last of my saved money to buy us some food. But, just thinking about it makes me sick. We're so broke that we can't afford food? I can't even buy my father a Father's Day present.

I said, "Well, what should I get him? I only have $40." And my mom sat up said, "Don't buy him anything. I only have a little bit of extra money and we need food."

As much as I hate having the Gov't pick up my food tab, I'm very grateful. This is the first time I've realized that we actually can't afford food. And it makes me want to cry. God. Now I see why people sell drugs and prostitute themselves. Maybe I'm a drama queen but I am so willing to do the same just to get by.