Human dung? Come again?

My mother is a devoted follower of the self-proclaimed Christian prophet and faith-healer, Peter Popoff. From what I gather, he seems to take part in various rituals that seem to be taken from Romanian gypsies. For instance, I remember my mother throwing pennies into a lake for good fortune. My mother has also worn a cheap, cloth bracelet on her wrist for a time in hope for good fortune as well. No harm done in that, one would think. However, I quickly learned of the money she has sent to him in return for these silly and cheap... may I call them spells? $100 in exchange for a bracelet that came out of a gumball machine hardly seems like a fair trade.

I almost believed in him when my mother started to scream about evil spirits in our house. I didn't believe her, I mean. But she soon got a letter from Popoff telling us to leave our house or get it cleansed. I was almost shocked that he would know of my mother's worries until I realized that she had been writing to "him". "Him" being one of the 80 people who respond to his mail. He didn't know anything at all. They were just fueling my mother's delusions- which can quite possibly be attributed to her schizophrenia.

But I'm off track, as usual. I could go on for days about Popoff's bankruptcy and his debunkment in the 80s. But what's really on my mind is this: My mother just said she ordered some "Miracle Manna Bread" from him, for my sister and I. Okay. Whatever. Thank God I decided to google what the hell this bread was because my mother couldn't tell me.

Manna bread is apparently mentioned in the bible, and God said it was to be cooked with human feces as fuel. Oh yes. FECES. From a HUMAN. Although, according to wikipedia, God changed his mind and said it can be cooked with cow feces instead. This bread is supposed to heal me and bring me financial wealth. Either way, I'm assuming this bread must taste like shit. I hope my mother doesn't make me eat it. I may throw up at the sight of it. Besides, the way our economy is, no amount of shit bread is going to bring me money.

Also, again, thanks to wikipedia, I am apparently getting the bread for free but I should send him $25. For what? An oil change on his car? Unless I'm feeding some children in Africa, I'm not sending him any fucking money. This is almost riduculous. I should eat it, then get sick and then sue him. That sounds like a brilliant plan. Then the bread would have worked after all.

PS- Assuming there is a God, Devil, heaven and hell, this is probably one of those blogs that's going to send me to hell.

PPS- I'm know I'm not the only one who's not into this... stuff:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfFsdZlMvRo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKQTm8wfsro