Falling Out and In of Silence, Love, Life....

It's been a while, not like anyone actually reads this.

Let's see... Day of Silence was on April 25. If you don't know, it's a national event during which students take a vow of silence to protest the bullying and harrasment of LGBTQ students and their allies. This year it was held in memorial of Lawrence King, the 8th grader in CA who was shot in the head because of his sexual orientation. I have to admit I was really disappointed with my participation. I hardly went through with it. The first time I did it, I put my whole heart and soul in to it. This year meant a lot to me but I guess not as much as I thought...

Also, I'm semi-falling for my assistant manager. BAD! He's so tall and sexy though... but he has a girlfriend and he's 8 years older than me and he's leaving soon so, no go. But he is quite charming. What happened to a-sexuality and the queerness and the single-forever stuff though? Motherfucker. Nothing is ever easy in my head.

What would this be without some mild-pimping that does nothing for anyone? First, check out checkcraigsblog.blogspot.com It's hysterical. Second, watch the cast of The Battery's Down do their stuff. "This is my Life" is my theme song, legit.

Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment

I'm starting to think I'm cursed. Actually, I am pretty sure I am cursed. And doomed. Oh sob, oh cry.

Several things have led me to this conclusion. The most recent would be my a-sexuality. Well, my semi-A-sexuality and my horrible social skills. All of that is coming back to haunt me. There is this really cute guy who could maybe have a crush on me but my lack of social ability will completely slaughter any chance I have with him. There's been a number a guys who have been interested in me. One guy told me I was hot. That's once in a blue moon people, I need to take what I can get but instead I just smiled and kind of ignored it.

UGH. What is WRONG with me? These are good people here. Especially this recent boy. If he is actually into me, he must be the hottest boy who has ever been into me. I call for shock treatment. IMMEDIATELY.

Dream Caster

So you guys know how I've been talking about getting into writing? Well, when you get right down to it: I definitely want to be a playwright. While I was watching the train wreck called Real World, one of the ex-Real Worlders said he was a playwright. Exactly. I don't even understand how you can live as a playwright. I know I wouldn't be doing it. I'd be working at damn Build a Bear while I wait for some inspiration to hit me. I think that if I did pursue anything, it'd be a good ten years before anything happened. That's usually how it works, right? It takes FOREVER. I'll be 28 by then.... Not too late.

Anyways, there's this one play. I don't want to give it away too much because A) I might jinx myself and B) it might sound familiar. That was on accident. I'm not a copy cat. I just come up with ideas that people already have.

Were I able to dream cast it, I'm pretty sure this is how it would go (it's been forever since I've looked at this play so let me remember the names...):

There's Kissy. She's definitely modeled after me. It is so hard to pick someone to play you, don't you think? She's kind of feminist, anti-male, activist....But I'd say a young Shoshana Bean or Remy Zaken. (Remy's episode of Law and Order came on again tonight and she's fucking fierce in it.) There's also this girl who I went to school with that I would definitely consider.

Then there's a flaming homosexual, Pete. I'm guessing that I subconsciously named him after Pete Wentz, my favorite bisexual emo. That role would go to Andrew Keenan-Bolger, hands fucking down. Andrew, CALL ME.

Who else... oh, there's the young, a bit ditzy, almost whore-like girl... I forgot her name. Alexy? Whatever. Hm. Annaleigh Ashford? Or maybe some random girl who used to play Young Cosette.

Then there's a small role that Bryce Ryness or Noah Weisberg would be freaking PERFECT for.

And there some more roles but I just bored myself to death. I'm going to bed. But everyone who I will never come into contact with in a million years, PLEASE CALL ME. It'll be good money in 20 years. Just don't age. You'll be my best friend. You know you need best friends.

Real Fishbowl

I just watched that Real World Awards thing. Not going to lie, I love me some Real World. I think the first season I watched was the Las Vegas one. I was hooked. I almost always cry when they leave and I'm yelling at the tv or laughing my ass off... I love the freakin Real World.

But are they fucking serious?! Some of them were thanking people like they just won an Oscar. It's just reality tv kids. You aren't famous. I didn't even remember your name until they put it in the corner of the screen. And then all the times that you were drunk, showing your boobies and sleeping around came flooding back to my mind. For the rest of you, that didn't even happen so you know you aren't famous. Get a real job.

On a somber note, Frankie Abernathy, one of my favorite Real Worlders died. Where was I when this happened? She died in June and I just found out! She had cystic fibrosis. And I just Wikipedia'd this shit: she said, "Tomorrow is a privilege, so live today like tomorrow isn't happening."I definitely started CRYING.

And then they started talking about Pedro and I ALWAYS cry about him. Pedro Zamora was hIV+. He was in the San Francisco season of the Real World. I was only 4 but I learned about him several years ago. He was SO amazing in my eyes. I really started sobbing... I'm such a big baby.

But let me bash a little bit more. Real World is really the dumbest thing on Earth but it's so entertaining. I can't look away! I'm sick of them putting hookers on the show though. Put some ugly people on or something. Make me feel better. Ha.

Life's a Baby

You know how on facebook and myspace you can change your status? This is what I want to put: "Bri is facepalm, facepalm, FACEPALM."

While at the DMV today, a young girl was waiting with her baby. Everyone knows a baby does not do well in the DMV. We were standing in line for nearly two hours. This girl was very young- maybe 19, 20-something. Maybe younger, I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure she said something about getting pregnant young. This girl's baby was dumping chips on the floor, screaming, kicking her shoes off... the girl then had a stranger try to put her baby's shoe back on. I felt really bad for this girl. Maybe that's just me... I don't know.

I then proceeded to feel bad for my friend. She's seventeen and about to have a baby. Not going to lie, she used to be really immature, and out of control and sometimes, a REALLY BAD friend. But I still loved her. I think she'll make a great mother. But then I saw that her and her boyfriend have only known each other for a little over 8 months. Um, oh my god you guys, the baby has been in the oven for 8 months. Are you fucking telling me she got pregnant with a guy she hardly knew? Motherfucker. Seriously?

Perhaps it isn't my place to say, and I know this is REALLY mean but I have no faith in their relationship. I never did and now this just solidifies it. I'm waiting for the jackass to dump her. And, if he does, hopefully I'll have an apartment and she can come live with me and my sister and we can be three chicks raising a baby.

It's not like I'm rooting for their relationship to fail, if it works out, great! But I want her to be happy and this motherfucker... well, he's already struck out 1.5 times. Anymore, I'll kill him, I swear.

Who Doesn't Love a Good pop-culture reference?

You know, I thought I'd get back into writing.

I am realizing that that notion absolutely terrifies me. I just opened one of my old plays. I might go INSANE. I am legitimately scared to read it. I know that there is so much to change and edit and... that scares me.

A bit silly, really. Who can understand my logic? Not even me, because there is no logic.

But you know, it really is a good project. It didn't get me a scholarship, but people like it. I even had a potential collaborator at one point. It has potential, why so afraid?

Let's see... there's 22 pages of un-formatted junk. Well, not junk... it needs work though. And it is currently a musical, but I've recently had the revelation that I am NEVER going to write the music for it so I might as well turn it into a straight play. Much work lies in front of me, and let's face it, I am pretty lazy.

But who knows, maybe I'll sit down today or Saturday and type my fingers raw. Or maybe I'll just sit on my ass, we'll see.

Runaway Whore

Oh sweet jesus. Last night I dreamed that I was... dating the aforementioned Freshman Love. It was... my worst nightmare. Sort of. I mean, even dream me was like "ehhh, what the FUCK is going on?" And then I freakin fell for him and it was great but so sad.

God forbid I ever let my emotion control me. I'm supposed to be the happily single person. I can't let this happen! And we all know it's going to happen, whether he's willing or not. There's a whore in my blood, I'm sure.

This is so, so, so sad. Tie me to the bed and leave me to die. Running from my emotions- oh, what is wrong.

Unless, my mind is playing an April Fool's Day joke on me? How cruel.

I also had a dream that Fred Phelps was protesting outside a production on Bare.